What To Do When Food Is Your Primary Coping Skill

Many people I see in my practice come to me because they have been using food as a coping mechanism for their entire life. Happy? Celebrate with food. Sad? Eat ice cream. Stressed? Dig into some chips. These are some basic examples, but you see what I mean. 

Many of these individuals have goals to lose weight and they do well at first by cutting out all of their problem/trigger foods. Eventually, life happens and they’re faced with a sad or stressful situation and food is there. 

Food will always be there. The problem with using food to cope is that emotional eating not only comes with health consequences like weight gain but also psychological ones, like shame and guilt.   

Here’s what you should do if you’re someone who uses food to cope and struggles with emotional eating

1) Recognize That You’re An Emotional Eater

First, I think recognizing that you are using food for coping is essential. The book “Intuitive Eating” by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch emphasizes learning to listen to your hunger and fullness cues. Imagine a life where you know when you are hungry, eat truly satisfying and enjoyable foods, and stop when you are full with no guilt or shame involved. 

This may sound like a magical fairyland to you, but it exists. I have found in my practice that when people eat regular amounts of food throughout the day, based on their hunger and fullness cues, their urges to cope with food can decrease quite a bit on their own. Furthermore, when we don’t let our blood sugars get too low, we are better able to cope with stress and emotions. 

2) Find A Nutrition Therapist 

Second, I would suggest getting some help from a skilled nutrition therapist. I teach clients to use a hunger scale. At a five, you are neutral. You are not hungry or full, and there is almost an absence of sensation. At a four you are starting to get hungry. Three, you are pretty hungry, and your stomach is growling. Two, you are very hungry, and your energy levels are starting to dip. At one, you are starving, weak, and what my clients and I like to call hangry (hungry and angry). I recommend eating in the three to four range before we are ravenous. 

On the flip side, the goal is to eat until we reach the neutral five-position or even pleasantly full at a six. Seven to ten are varying stages from very full to overly stuffed. The next time you find yourself in the kitchen, stop and ask yourself if you are truly hungry. If the answer is no, ask yourself why you are reaching for food. Are you tired? Bored? Stressed? Anxious? Depressed? Happy? There are too many emotions to list out, but the point is, if you are eating for an emotion rather than physical hunger, ask yourself what you can do to cope if food is no longer an option. 

Remember, it is ok to feel emotions. As uncomfortable as it can be, feeling emotions is actually a healthy thing. What would you do if you are at work and feel a triggering emotion and have no access to food? It helps if you have a list of healthy coping activities prepared, so you are ready to go when this happens. Pick something you can do to soothe or cope with your feelings and do that instead.

Coping ideas include: 

• Reading a book
• Self-care (painting your nails, taking a hot shower or bath, aromatherapy)
• Watch TV or listen to music
• Call support or spend time with a loved one or pet (or both)
• Practice yoga or meditation (there are many great apps out there that help with this)
• Beautify something (garden, yard, home, closet)
• Exercise
• Work on or start a new hobby 

Although these coping ideas are a great way to ward off emotional eating, reframing the situation or how you feel about it (known as cognitive reframing) can also change emotional eating habits. 

You can also simply smile or laugh; studies show that smiling or laughing physically can change your mood. Fake it till you make it!

The Bottom Line

The first time you do this, it will feel like a Herculean effort. If you have been using food to cope with your whole life, the habits and needs will be deeply ingrained. These habits are the hardest to change. Be forgiving and give yourself time to practice. Sometimes you will fail and eat, and that’s ok! Be kind to yourself and try again next time. Over time, you’ll be better and better at using your other coping skills until the days of using food to deal with emotions are long behind you!