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We often associate dieting with negatives — the deprivation of forgoing chocolate cheesecake, the anxiety of peeking at the scale to see if we have passed or failed the day’s test, or the dissatisfaction with our reflection in the mirror. These negative attitudes might scare us into losing some weight in the short term, but they can also make the process seem like misery — and undermine our confidence in our ability to succeed over time. Is it any wonder that many of us give up?
“Many patients approach weight loss with self-sabotaging and unhelpful attitudes like ‘I’m gonna have to starve myself’ or ‘I can’t lose weight no matter how hard I try.’ Or they feel shame for having failed at weight loss before,” says Janine Darby, MD, a board-certified physician in family and obesity medicine and founder of Lifestyle Changes.
The happy news: Adjusting your attitude in positive ways can make a huge difference in your weight loss efforts. “Mindset plays a significant role in weight loss. A positive mindset can be a powerful motivator,” says Ryan Sultan, MD, a teaching psychiatrist and researcher at Columbia University. Shifting your attitude is all about celebrating your strengths, forgiving your wobbles, and having a clear sense of your “why” to keep you going.
Here, experts share six mindset shifts that can make you more successful on your weight loss journey.
1. Clarify Your Motivation to Lose Weight
Besides the fact that it may be January 2 and everyone else is doing it, why do you want to lose weight? “Having a strong why is crucial to long-term successful weight loss,” says Alex D’Elia, RDN, founder of Olox Nutrition.
When she works with patients, Darby talks to them about their motivation at the start of their weight loss journey. ”They might say, ‘I don’t want to get diabetes like my mom’ or ‘I want to help my back pain.’ Focusing on the health reasons is where the shift happens and we find success.”
That’s because this emphasis on getting healthier can be naturally reinforcing. Instead of focusing on the number on the scale, says D’Elia, you feel the progress. “Do you feel more energized? Better rested? Are you thinking more clearly? That’s what keeps you going,” she says.
To take this one step further, psychologists make a distinction between extrinsic and intrinsic motivation. When your motivation is extrinsic, it means you take action for reasons outside yourself. For example, the opinion of someone else — a partner’s snide comment, perhaps — might push you to make a change. However, with intrinsic motivation, you do something purely for yourself — maybe you want to have more energy or be fit enough to play tennis again. Intrinsic motivation may set you up better for long-term success, according to a 2022 Mayo Clinic survey of more than 200,000 people.
So take some time to think through your why. Then note it in your phone or another handy spot and look at it as a reminder when you need motivation.
2. Practice Self-Compassion Along the Weight Loss Journey
Trying to diet tends to bring out our mean inner critic: I can’t believe you ate all those fries last night! Don’t you have any discipline? “We can be our own worst enemy. We talk to ourselves in ways we would never talk to other people,” says D’Elia.
Even when well-intended, this tough talk often backfires. For example, it can increase your stress and make you doubt your ability to succeed, says D’Elia. The antidote: practicing self-compassion. That means treating yourself as you would a friend or loved one. What would you say if your bestie needed encouragement or slipped up? Talk to yourself that way, too, says D’Elia. You might say to yourself, “You’ve got this” or “Everyone slips up from time to time. That’s natural!”
“I suggest my patients write themselves daily affirmations, such as ‘I am enough,’” says Darby. Post it on the bathroom mirror so that is the first thing you see. “It will help you start the day with a positive attitude,” she adds.
If you blow it and pounce on the breakroom donuts, acknowledge your slip without judging yourself, suggests D’Elia. “I encourage clients to look at their setbacks with curiosity, not judgment.” You could ponder, for example: Am I eating at night because I am not getting enough protein during the day? Am I having a hard time keeping to my diet because I am under unusual stress? “This kind of attitude is much more constructive than beating yourself up,” says D’Elia. You gain insights you can apply in the future toward your goal.
Research backs up this approach: A study published in the British Journal of Health Psychology in September 2021 found that self‐compassion may be a powerful tool to promote positive intentions to continue dieting, foster high levels of self‐efficacy, and reduce negative reactions to lapses.
Also helpful: Stay in your lane and don’t compare yourself to washboard-abs Instagram influencers. “Constantly comparing your progress to [that of] others can be detrimental. Focus on your own journey,” says Sultan.
3. Take Time to Eat Mindfully
We tend to associate losing weight with hunger or deprivation. Taking time to eat mindfully can help you savor your meals so you’ll feel more satisfied.
“Today we all eat while we are driving or are glued to TikTok,” says Darby. Instead, pause everything else and really focus on your food, she encourages. Sit down to eat. Stash your phone and check in with yourself. Are you ravenous? Still obsessing over work? As you eat, pay attention to your senses — notice the aromas and the texture of the food on your tongue. Make sure you are chewing each bite 15 to 30 times. Express gratitude for your meal. Research has found that mindfulness can be an effective tool in the treatment of emotional eating and binge eating to help prevent weight gain.
4. Set Realistic Weight Loss Goals
When it comes to weight loss, we tend to fixate on one thing as a measure of our progress: the number on the scale. But how much you gain or lose in a day or a week is a product of a number of factors, including factors out of your control, such as hormone fluctuation, says D’Elia. Obsessing over the scale can be a recipe for frustration and discouragement.
“Instead, I encourage my patients to set goals about things they can control,” says D’Elia. For example, you can control how much protein you eat; you can control the minutes of exercise you do; you can control taking steps to find a therapist if you are under stress. “All these goals are action-oriented, so they make a better measure of your progress,” she says. In time, those actions will build to a healthier, leaner you.
Make a point to take inventory of your successes along the way: I’m able to fit in my jeans from last year. I went for a long walk after dinner instead of bingeing on Netflix again. These wins are all worth noticing and celebrating — and doing this can help keep you motivated, says Darby.
5. Adopt a “Growth Mindset” About Weight Loss Setbacks
Perfectionism is the saboteur of weight loss goals. This includes thoughts like I didn’t go to the gym yesterday = I’m a failure! I give up!
“I tell my patients to ditch the all-or-nothing thinking,” says Darby. A better approach is adopting what psychologists call a “growth mindset.”
“Embracing a growth mindset means believing in your ability to learn and adapt,” says Sultan. “It encourages you to see challenges as opportunities for growth and improvement. When it comes to weight loss, a growth mindset can help you persevere through obstacles, view setbacks as temporary, and remain open to trying new strategies. It’s important to remember that small indulgences or setbacks don’t negate overall progress.”
To learn from a slip-up, D’Elia suggests to “ask yourself, ‘What can I learn from this?’ Maybe I learned not to go food shopping when I am starving!” No one is perfect, so take note — and keep going.
6. Focus on Building Long-Term Habits, Not a Magic Number
“It takes time to develop this new mindset,” says Darby. Remember, successful weight loss is a marathon, not a sprint. You are working to establish healthy habits that you can sustain over the long haul, like exercising, prioritizing sleep, or eating more veggies.
“People who focus on short-term goals like looking great at the reunion often adopt more extreme diets that are a lot harder to sustain over time,” says D’Elia. “With that kind of thinking, you are either ‘on’ or ‘off’ a diet. A healthier attitude is: This is just the way that I live now.” In changing your lifestyle, you will feel healthier and more energetic so you’ll want to keep going, she says.
A study published in February 2022 in the journal Obesity found that people who were able to keep weight off in the long term took setbacks in stride and got right back to practicing healthy habits when they got off track.
“Give yourself grace,” concludes Darby. “We all have some bad days — a lot of times, life gets in the way. There might be a day when all you can do is sit on your couch and eat bonbons. My favorite quote of all time is ‘Tomorrow is a new day. I can start anew.’”
Editorial Sources and Fact-Checking
- Weight-Loss Survey on Mayo Clinic Diet Polled More Than 200,000 People in the U.S. Mayo Clinic. May 25, 2022.
- Thøgersen‐Ntoumani C, Dodos L, Stenling A, et al. Does Self‐Compassion Help to Deal With Dietary Lapses Among Overweight and Obese Adults Who Pursue Weight‐Loss Goals? British Journal of Health Psychology. September 2021.
- Katterman S, Kleinman B, Hood M, et al. Mindfulness Meditation as an Intervention for Binge Eating, Emotional Eating, and Weight Loss: A Systematic Review. Eating Behaviors. April 2014.
- Phelan S, Roake J, Alarcon N, et al. In Their Own Words: Topic Analysis of the Motivations and Strategies of Over 6,000 Long-Term Weight-Loss Maintainers. Obesity. February 2022.
