When People Treat You Differently After You Lose Weight

After losing 127 pounds, Jamie Hickey, RD, noticed a shift in how people seemed to treat him. Friends, family, and even strangers seemed to interact with him differently — and while he says the changes were “mostly positive,” the difference was still unsettling. 

“It was a bit disheartening to realize that my weight had such an impact on how people perceived me,” Hickey explains. “It made me question the genuineness of people’s interactions with me. Were they now being nice because I fit into society’s mold of what’s considered attractive?”

Hickey isn’t alone in questioning his interactions with others after losing weight. Rekha Kumar, MD, associate professor of clinical medicine at Weill Cornell Medical College in New York City, explains that simply existing in the world in a new body can be a “paramount” challenge for many. Even previously familiar situations can become brand-new. People who have lost weight can face unwanted attention, pushback against new habits and food choices, mental health challenges, envy from others, and strains in relationships.

Here’s a closer look at some of the challenges of navigating life in a smaller body, and the most effective ways to face them. 

Changes in Interactions With Others Post-Weight Loss

Many people experience a difference in how others treat them post-weight loss, even if they feel the same inside. 

“You know when you are in a room with really loud white noise, and you don’t realize how loud the noise is until the white noise is turned off? It was a bit like that,” says Brooke Boyarsky Pratt, founder and CEO of knownwell, a weight-inclusive healthcare company. 

“When I first successfully lost a lot of weight, it was jarring to realize how differently the outside world perceived me,” Boyarsky Pratt continues. “Even compliments about my weight loss, in some ways, felt hurtful because they were oftentimes couched as congratulating me about finally getting disciplined.”

Pratt says her weight has fluctuated by about 150 pounds through the years, and she has noticed people treat her differently at various sizes. She has even noticed that some doctors assume she is more educated and act “more thoughtful” toward her when she’s thinner. 

Relationships can also struggle under the strain of navigating new roles and bodies post-weight loss. “I have had patients experience significant marital struggles after weight loss, as their partner feels they might be losing weight or looking more attractive in order to find someone else,” says Angela Fitch, MD, chief medical officer of knownwell and president of the Obesity Medicine Association. “There can be a lot of jealousy and resentment, especially if the partner has weight issues themselves.”

The Role of Weight Stigma

The differences in how someone is treated pre- and post-weight loss are very real. Yet Dina Peralta-Reich, MD, an obesity medicine and pediatrics physician at New York Weight Wellness Medicine, points out that these differences can sometimes be misinterpreted by the person losing weight as well, due to their past experience of weight stigma.

“There is still a stigma in our society regarding weight that can lead to differential treatment,” Dr. Peralta-Reich explains. “But many people may become more self-conscious and hyperaware of these changes, causing them to overthink how others perceive them.” For example, if you’ve lived in a bigger body most of your life, you may be “used to” being stigmatized or treated poorly, and the stigma attached to bigger bodies can persist after weight loss in the form of a negative body image. 

After losing weight, your body image may also be less accurate. For instance, copywriter AJ Silberman-Moffitt shares that after losing 89 pounds, she still struggles with accepting that she can shop at new places. 

“When I was heavier, I could not shop at Victoria's Secret. Now I can,” she notes. “I went to the mall a few weeks ago and spent over two hours at Victoria’s Secret trying to find what size brassiere I wear! When I was heavier, I couldn’t shop anywhere other than in the plus-size department. Now I can go to traditional clothing stores and buy ‘normal’ sizes. It almost seems surreal. My mind still wants to look at the biggest items that they carry.”

The Importance of Weight Loss Support

When embarking on a weight loss journey, you may want to work closely with a weight loss team to help you tackle the many issues that can come up, both physical and emotional. If you aren’t working with a doctor yet, start by reaching out to your primary care physician. They can help connect you to professionals who can help, from mental health experts to support group facilitators. 

“It is so important to have a comprehensive care team to have ready access to support during significant weight loss,” Fitch notes. “If patients are just getting medication and not getting the other support they need, this can be detrimental to their overall health, which defeats the purpose of treating their obesity in the first place.”

Almost all of the individuals we spoke with also recommended therapy to deal with your feelings around weight loss and how others may treat you.

“I’m a huge fan of therapy personally,” notes Boyarsky Pratt. “It isn’t always accessible, but if patients have the opportunity to see a counselor, I think it’s really helpful.”

How to Respond if People Act Differently When You Lose Weight

When you notice people treating you differently after you lose weight, these strategies can help. 

Face Each Situation as It Comes

Peralta-Reich encourages anyone who faces a challenging situation post-weight loss to remember that one negative encounter with a stranger may not necessarily mean your entire life in a new body will be a struggle. “I find it’s better to take it one step at a time than to overwhelm my patients with scenarios that may or may not happen to them directly,” says Peralta-Reich. 

Share Your Thoughts and Feelings

Health coach James Cunningham realized the “emphasis society places on physical appearance” after his own weight loss and found it a “mixed bag of emotions.” 

What helped him through it, however, was being honest about his feelings. “Talk about your feelings with friends, family, or a support group who understands what you’re going through. Sharing your thoughts can be incredibly therapeutic,” he says. 

Dr. Kumar also promotes open communication and self-advocacy — even if that means gently educating a stranger if necessary. For instance, if someone is urging you to “just have one bite” of dessert, but that particular food choice does not support your goals, then explain that to them — as in “Thanks, but I’m choosing not to eat [that type of food] right now. It would be helpful if you respected that so I don’t end up eating it just to please you. It’s taken me a long time to get to this place, so thank you for understanding.”

“By educating others about their experience and promoting understanding, acceptance, and adaptation to their new habits and routines, a patient can stay consistent with their goals and become advocates for themselves,” says Kumar. 

Practice Self-Validation

Peralta-Reich stresses focusing on who you are as a person, not what you look like. “I want to remind everyone going through this journey that you’re still the same person,” she says. “You’re just more confident and healthier, but still you. Don’t let anyone take this joy away from you.”

Give Others Grace

Boyarsky Pratt also urges anyone who is struggling with feeling hurt by how people treat them post-weight loss to also consider it from a different perspective. 

“Remember that, at the end of the day, people are trying their best,” she says. “We have all been inundated with unhelpful messages about dieting and body size our whole lives. Just as I hope others give me grace if I am accidentally hurtful to them, I try to give grace to others.”

Celebrate Yourself 

Last but not least, while you’re acknowledging the challenges and being open with your support team about your emotions, Kumar also recommends reminding yourself that you deserve to feel proud of the changes you’ve made in your life, no matter what. 

“For anyone navigating this new terrain, remember: You’ve achieved an incredible transformation — it’s something to celebrate,” she says. 

 

Editorial Sources and Fact-Checking

• Weight Stigma. World Obesity Federation.