I’ve Reached My Goal Weight. Why Am I Not Happier?

Dramatic weight loss stories are often touted as tales of perseverance, strength, and ultimately success — because once someone reaches their weight loss goal, they should have every reason to be happy, right?

Wrong.

Many people — more often than we realize — struggle with feeling happy after reaching their “goal weight.”

For instance, after losing 102 pounds through diet and exercise, Erin Renzas, author and founder of Ebb Wellness, was surprised by the effect on her mental health. Says Renzas, “For me, losing the weight was the easy part. The emotional and mental health challenges were the hardest.”

According to Steven Batash, MD, gastroenterologist and leading physician at Batash Endoscopic Weight Loss Center, while weight loss is beneficial for physical health, it doesn’t automatically eliminate all emotional issues. “Factors like body image, self-esteem, and societal pressures may contribute to ongoing mental health difficulties post-weight loss,” he says.

Here’s a look at why we aren’t always “happier” at the end of a weight loss journey, and how we can better support our mental and physical health in our changing bodies.

Weight Loss Ushers in Difficult Realizations About Stigma

Renzas points out that weight loss is often talked about as if it’s always positive. But she says the challenges of weight loss for her included “learning how cruel the world had been to my bigger body and how much easier life in a smaller body was.”

When she lost weight, Renzas says that “everything changed” about how she was treated in everyday situations — from suddenly having the door opened for her to doctors finally listening during appointments and strangers chatting her up. “If I sit down on an airplane, the person next to me is now always so much more friendly,” says Renzas.

She also has noticed that some men treat her differently. “Men I used to date see photos of me now and reach out to ‘compliment’ me,” says Renzas. One of her exes, she recalls, told her he would have been more serious about dating her if she had been thinner at the time.

Similarly, Renzas says many people reference her “old” body now that she’s smaller. “So many people ask me whether I had just been lazy before or never took care of myself. I’ve learned so clearly that many people think a bigger body means a less cared-for body," she says.

"Learning so starkly what so many people think about bigger bodies has been harsh,” continues Renzas. She also adds that recognizing the poor treatment she faced before was because of her body size has made her “distrustful” of people.

Losing Weight May Challenge a Body-Positive Identity

Renza says she fully accepted herself before her weight loss. “I genuinely loved myself before,” she notes.

Yet, losing weight paradoxically challenged her former sense of self. Having spent a lot of time working on self-love and embracing body positivity while she was overweight, Renzas says she felt that in some ways, stepping into a normatively thinner body — something she worked incredibly hard for — was a regression of her former hard-won body acceptance and self-love. Learning to love herself again in a new identity — while still acknowledging and loving her past identity — was a challenge Renzas did not expect.

Many people who were body-positive before losing a significant amount of weight may also relate to the subtle discomfort weight loss can cause. “Did we betray who we were in the ‘before’ in order to gain acceptance into a world which, as it turns out, isn’t all it was chalked up to be?” Renzas asks.

Internal Happiness Doesn’t Come From External Changes

Avigail Lev, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist and founder and director at Bay Area CBT Center, notes one reason some people struggle emotionally after losing weight is that the act of changing one’s body doesn’t automatically bring internal happiness.

“We often have a story or a belief that changing something external about ourselves will make us happy, which rarely proves true. For example, some people believe that having more money, looking more beautiful, or living in another country will bring happiness,” Dr. Lev explains, noting that instead, “we realize that we’re still the same individuals with the same thoughts, feelings, and internal experiences.”

Renzas echoes this, saying that losing weight forced her to face tough questions. “What is happiness? A better job? A better partner? More people thinking you’re thin or pretty or handsome or attractive?” she asks. Instead, Renzas says she had to look deeper. “My weight loss came as a part of a bigger life transition to find deeper life satisfaction,” she explains. “I had to take time to learn who I am in this body and how to be happy now.”

Weight Loss Won’t Solve Mental Health Issues

Many mental health issues related to being in a bigger body are not magically cured through weight loss, which is an important piece of the puzzle that not everyone discusses. Eating disorders, psychiatric disorders, and the effects of weight stigma can linger, even after reaching one’s goal weight.

Significant weight loss can even be associated with a form of body dysmorphia called phantom fat disorder, in which individuals still perceive their bodies as bigger, despite having lost weight. Internal beliefs that have developed from one’s former external appearance may have to be explored after weight loss — and that can be a challenging and sometimes lonely road to walk.

How to Protect Your Mental Health as You Lose Weight

If you’re on a weight loss journey yourself or have recently reached your weight loss goals, it’s not all doom and gloom. Both Renzas and the experts we spoke to confirm it is possible to achieve both physical and emotional fulfillment in weight loss — but it also helps to know some of the challenges you might encounter along the way.

That said, talking with your doctor about the following strategies can also help you face some of those challenges.

Address Underlying Reasons for Overeating, if Applicable

When it comes to weight loss, Lev recommends not just practical approaches, but an emotional assessment as well. “I don’t believe that overeating habits can be addressed through a single approach such as surgery or medication, as overeating can have various underlying reasons,” Lev says. “To tackle it effectively, one must address the root causes. If it’s due to loneliness, addressing loneliness is necessary; if it’s linked to emotional dysregulation, then that needs to be addressed as well.”

Treat Mental Health Issues Separately

Danielle Kelvas, MD, medical adviser for R’s KOSO, points out that deeper mental health issues, such as depression or anxiety, can still be present after weight loss. If so, these issues should be treated separately from any weight loss.

“Sometimes the treatments overlap, but I think what’s important to communicate here is that you are not a failure if you still feel depressed despite losing weight,” notes Dr. Kelvas.

Find a Support Group

Sometimes, isolation can set in for people who have lost weight, as Renzas experienced.

Notes Kelvas, “For some people to lose weight, they have to change their entire community sometimes — for example, switching their drinking buddies for exercising buddies." Acknowledging the loss of relationships and surrounding yourself with people who support the new you are both crucial steps.

Seek Therapy

As Renzas found, weight loss can bring up some challenging emotions about self-worth and how you were treated before and after your weight loss. Speaking with a therapist who has experience in weight-loss-related issues can help.

“In my practice, I emphasize the importance of mindfulness to manage stress, realistic goal-setting, identifying emotional triggers for overeating, building a strong support system, regular exercise for mood improvement, therapy or counseling for deep-seated emotional issues, fostering self-compassion, and practicing patience and self-acceptance throughout their journey,” says Batash.

Shift Your Perspective

If weight loss doesn’t bring all the fulfillment you hoped for, Batash also says it may help to choose a new goal not centered on the scale. “Shifting focus from weight-related goals to non-weight-related aspirations, like personal growth or hobbies, can promote a sense of accomplishment ... look for non-scale-related victories,” he offers. Maybe it’s time to try that race you’ve been considering or take that pottery class that your neighbor posted about.

Last but not least, Renzas encourages anyone on a weight loss journey to be “realistic” with their expectations about how living in a different body will impact them, both internally and externally. And she challenges the assumption that a smaller body equals a happier body. “Bigger bodies are also happy bodies,” Renzas adds. “Bigger bodies have joy and love and fulfillment. Self-love and satisfaction don’t come from a thinner body.”

 

Editorial Sources and Fact-Checking

1. McCuen-Wurst C, Ruggieri M, and Allison KC. Disordered Eating and Obesity: Associations Between Binge-Eating Disorder, Night-Eating Syndrome, and Weight-Related Comorbidities. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences. January 2018.
2. Rajan TM and Menon V. Psychiatric Disorders and Obesity: A Review of Association Studies. Journal of Postgraduate Medicine. July–September 2017.
3. Milkewicz Annis N, Cash TF, and Hrabosky JI. Body Image and Psychosocial Differences Among Stable Average Weight, Currently Overweight, and Formerly Overweight Women: The Role of Stigmatizing Experiences. Body Image. May 2004.